Masks are the new bra. They aren't comfortable, you only wear them in public, people will notice when you don't wear one, and you can now get them in every color pattern and style.
"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don’t remember much from the weekend, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge tells me it was awesome.
"It isn't the ups and downs that make life difficult; it's the jerks." - Charlie Chaplin
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, “I think I might be a typo.”
Gonna ask my mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.
At the store there was a big X by the register for me to stand on. I’ve seen way too many Road Runner cartoons to fall for that one.
Now that I've lived through an actual plague, I totally understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are full of naked fat people laying on couches.
Remember when we would eat cake after someone blew out the candles? Good times!
Planning my Thanksgiving 2020 menu. So far it's just cranberry Jell-O shots.
I always read my wife’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Coronacoaster is the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread, and going for long walks and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast, and missing people you don’t even like.
These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
I hate when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients
Due to my isolation, I finished three books recently, and believe me, that's a lot of coloring.
I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for answers.
I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, "Must be nice."